Tadaaa this is the final part of my series! Yeah! Thank you to all my trusty readers!
For those of you, who are new to the series: shame on you! Make sure you read previous parts: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5.
"I need a break from the incessant weaving and bossing so I pick Baby up under the pretext that he needs a change. We catch some air in the not-so-fresh hallway. I end up having to take him to the bathroom with me as there is no where safe to leave him in the meantime, which proves awfully complicated. After that complicated operation we head back, just in time to the midwife’s next discourse on how we should be lifting our babies properly.
Obviously I have kicked off this particular diatribe. Apparently everyone who picks their baby up under the arms and takes it straight up or puts if straight down, is going against nature. That is why all of our babies wake up every time we put them down, right? Then she demonstrates a twisting standing up motion, which reminds me of Kirks play in Gilmore girls – yes, I like that show, and am proud of it! – explaining that this is the motion that babies follow in their first year in learning to get up and walk; and we should be supporting this unless we want to irreparably damage the development of our little angels. Also, we are assured that the little ones will never wake up again if we put them down using this method . The movement translates to a complicated twist and 360 degree roll of the baby, which leaves me terrified of dropping him, and with him in a position far away from my shoulder, where I normally hold him.
As a finishing touch to the lesson we sing to our babies, after all, according to our teacher, one should never inflict taped singing on one’s child. I use the word sing in the loosest version possible to describe a varied mix of caterwauling that fills the room and leaves the little ones looking rather bedazzled and a bit relieved, once we have finished.
Finally, the lesson is over and I head home. Baby falls asleep on the way, and when I get home and tell Hubby about the lesson, we decide to try the miracle movement when putting Baby to bed. We manage to keep him asleep while taking off all the extra layers from being outside, tip-toe up the stairs, get to his bed, roll him into position and are about to put him down… when he wakes up."
Needless to say, this was my final instalment not only of this series, but also in this course! At this point there was too hight a risk of me saying something the midwife would really have regretted, and the rants I needed to have after each lesson in order to let off steam were taking up most of the following evening. You will be pleased to read that I found a much more relaxed and sane one nearby, which is not as fruitful for the blog, but much better for me and my surroundings. See you all again soon, for my next post!